CHASING THE SUN
Drunken pterodactyls swarmed in my stomach. Anxiety held my lungs in a vice grip. My hands shook and sweat trickled down my spine. A part of me knew I was safe but the other part—the one that made it imperative for me to be here—was terrified.
Room 454; Group 1. I had been a participant since a year after my parents died. Six months after joining the group the incident happened. Now—two years later—I needed this group more than ever. Dr. Warren, my shrink, thought now was the perfect time for me to jump back into group. “It’ll help with some of your issues,” he said. I snorted in response. There was nothing that could put together my broken pieces but maybe coming back would help me at least get some sleep at night.
I looked down at my well-worn jeans, sneakers, and t-shirt and wished that I had put a little more thought into what I had on. This wasn’t an ordinary group of people and I knew that I would extremely under dressed. Swallowing my growing fear, I opened the wooden door and stepped inside the brightly lit room. All eyes swung in my direction and I fought not to squirm under the spotlight. I wanted nothing more than to run and hide in my home, underneath the blankets, with a bottle of good vodka and the musical accompaniments of Amy Winehouse.
“Artemis!”
I looked up just in time to see Valentina Giorgio—designer to the stars and self-imposed mother of the group—running towards me, her steps muffled by the plush dark blue carpet and her arms outstretched. I visibly stiffened and she stopped dead in her tracks, worry etched on her face. I could tell that the good doctor had warned the group of my newest affliction. I couldn’t bear to be touched anywhere but my hands.
Taking a deep breath, I walked towards Valentina and took her hands in mine. She squeezed my fingers and tears filled her eyes. This was what I feared—seeing pity in someone’s eyes. Yes, I had been through hell. Everyone knew it. It was on every major network. People recognized me wherever I went. It was sickening and terrifying.
“Don’t,” I whispered.
She shook her head, her graying hair flying around her olive toned face. She cleared her throat repeatedly. “I’m glad you’re back.”
A slight smile turned up the corners of my full lips. Not letting go of me, Valentina brought me to the chairs situated in a circular formation in the middle of the space. Twenty minutes later we were finally getting started with group.
This group of successful people was the closest thing to friends I had—outside of my best friend, Loren Vega. They were athletes, politicians, clothing designers, entrepreneurs, models, artists, and actors. They were well known, multi-millionaires, and severely flawed…and I was one of them. I wasn’t a celebrity but everyone had heard my story through numerous news outlets. Dr. Warren thought I would be a great fit for the group. I could offer the normal person’s perspective. I rolled my eyes. There was nothing normal about me…about any of us. All twelve of us were burden with survivor’s guilt that caused us to develop severe insomnia. Between all of us we probably didn’t sleep more than twelve hours a week.
Taking my seat, I was pleasantly surprised to see that they had left two chairs—one on either side of me—empty. I took my seat and smiled at Dr. Warren. It was time to begin.
“First, let’s all give Artemis a warm welcome back.” The applause was deafening. “It’s been two years since you’ve been to group and we’re glad to see you’re physically healed and ready to start on the emotional process with us.”
“Thank you,” I muttered.
“You’re very welcome. Lately we’ve been discussing how to—”
Dr. Warren’s statement was cut off by the opening of the door. I heard Valentina suck her teeth and saw surgically altered face twist into a scowl. For the first time in a long time a genuine smile lit up my face. It looked like one thing hadn’t changed while I had been gone. Valentina Giorgio still had an intense dislike for Drew Cooper.
Drew Cooper was a business god. Everything he touched turned to gold. Physically, he was what dreams were made of…and he knew it. With golden brown skin that covered a 6’7” muscular frame, honey eyes framed by thick lashes, dimples in each cheek that bracketed full lips, and jet black curly hair that fell to his shoulder, Drew Cooper was a head turner. But…there was something about him that made me slightly uncomfortable. Not in a bad way but I still avoided him. He was nice enough but we didn’t seem to click like he did with the other women in the group. It seemed like Trinity Morton, Valentina, and I were the only women who were immune to his charms.
Sauntering into the room, Drew’s eyes locked with mine and a smile bloomed across his handsome face, his even white teeth blinding me. He greeted everyone and took the seat next to Valentina. Leaning back, he draped his left arm over the back of her chair and she groaned in disgust. I bit my lip to keep from giggling. Drew loved getting underneath the haughty fashion designer’s skin.
“Now that we’re all here,” Dr. Warren stated, looking pointedly at Drew. “Let’s begin. How’s everyone feeling tonight?”
An hour later everyone was filing out of the room. I was getting ready to follow suit when Dr. Warren asked to speak with me. Waiting until the space was empty, he gave me his full attention. “How are you, Artemis?”
Adjusting the strap of my purse on my shoulder, I looked right through him. “I’m fine.”
He raised a brow. The lie sounded hollow even to my own ears. “Artemis, you haven’t been sleeping. Before you were in the hospital you had finally gotten to the point where you were able to get five hours asleep at a time. Now, we’re worse than when we first began.”
“Can you blame me?” I whispered. If anyone knew how much my life had changed since then it was this man. He knew every dirty, painful detail of the last two years.
“No, I can’t. It wasn’t your fault but I need you to stop lying to yourself. You’re not fine. The sooner you admit that the sooner we can get to healing.”
Emotionally drained, I threw my hands in the air. “Fine, I’m not okay. I’m scared all the damn time. I can’t sleep. I barely eat. I am a nervous wreck anytime someone I don’t trust is near me. I am drowning and I don’t know if I want to swim anymore.”
Handing me his monogrammed handkerchief, Dr. Warren waited for me to dry my tears before he spoke. “You will get through this, Artemis. One day you will be happy.”
“Happy? Happiness is an unattainable ideal. I’ll settle for content.”
“You deserve a life full of joy and love.” The look on my face told him he was going down the wrong path and he held up his hands in mock surrender. “Okay, let’s agree to disagree for now. Back to my main point, I can help you, Artemis, but you’ve got to work with me. We’ve done this before and we can do it again. I just need you to be open with me about how you’re truly feeling. Okay?” I nodded. “Good, I’ll see you Wednesday for your private session. If you need me before then don’t hesitate to call.”
I nodded and shook his hand, knowing full well that I wouldn’t call him. Keys in hand, I moved down the corridor towards the elevator and pushed the button. The doors swooshed open and I stepped inside. Before I could press the button to take me to the garage, a large hand stopped the doors from closing.
Drew Cooper stepped inside and seemed to take up all the space with his massive frame. He pushed the button for the garage and the doors closed, leaving me trapped with this man. I breathed in deep and my body went on full alert. His scent was the same comforting scent that was with me in the hospital, the same scent that my soul held on to when my body wanted to die. This man was the faceless savior that had unknowingly gotten me through the darkest period of my life.
Awkward silence filled the small space as Drew leaned against the wall opposite of me and stared. He took in everything from the sneakers on my feet to the elastic headband holding back the mass of curls that framed my face. I felt my cheeks heat and I groaned inwardly. I couldn’t believe I was blushing from one look. That was not a good sign. I tried to look anywhere else while he continued to blatantly peruse my frame.
“Pepsi or Coke?”
I glanced at him—well, I glanced at a spot above the right side of his head—and raised a brow in confusion. “Excuse me?”
“Pepsi or Coke?”
I shrugged. “Coke, I guess.”
“Beach or countryside?”
I bit my lip to keep from smiling. “Countryside. I like the peace and quiet. You?”
His smiled. “I like the countryside too. Favorite color and why?”
“Blue because it’s soothing. You?”
“Black because it’s powerful.”
The elevator sounded and the doors opened. We stepped into the garage. I began walking to my car and Drew followed me. Deciding to play along, I asked a question of my own. “What’s your favorite movie and why?”
“Pulp Fiction. I love Quentin Tarantino! What about you, Artemis?”
The way his tongue caressed my name was erotic. Maybe if things were different…I stopped myself. Things weren’t different and wishing they were wouldn’t change anything. I unlocked my car and turned to look him in the eyes for the first time.
“The Count of Monte Cristo. I like how Edmond Dantès was able to get back everything he lost and then some. It’s a redemption story. I love those.”
Drew stared at me for long moments as if I held all the secrets to his universe. Once again he floored me with that easy smile and took my hands into his. “I’m glad your back, Artemis.” Letting me go, he opened my car door and I climbed inside. I buckled up and started the engine while he leaned in towards me. “Drive safely.”
“Goodnight Drew,” I whispered.
“Goodnight Goddess.”
As I drove the two hours from downtown Chicago to my house in the suburbs I replayed the interaction in my mind repeatedly and a goofy smile spread across my face each time I thought about him calling me Goddess. Letting myself into my house, I locked the door, set the alarm system, and fed my guard dog—a wolf-hybrid named Lucky—before heading to the bedroom.
Turquoise and cream had my body relaxing instantly. Out of all the rooms in the house this was the one I loved and hated the most. I looked at the bed in disdain. It was my nemesis. If I did happen to fall asleep in the California King I would wake up soon after from the night terrors. Sighing heavily, I undressed, showered, and prepared to spend another long night dueling with my demons.
